Fearless

 Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

-Anais Nin

Live fearlessly. Sometimes, during retrospection I think of different chapters in my life and believe that I have done that, lived fearlessly. Other times I feel still and wonder why I have not lived larger. Those times make me sit down to wonder, “what am I afraid of that keeps me from moving closer to what I want?” Considering this question also allows me to answer it and identify my insecurities. I fear-

rejection

abandonment

critique

loneliness

evil

stagnation

and

losing one’s love.

My path to this discovery began a few years ago when I found myself lost after college. I wasn’t sure who I was, where I should go, whether I was worthy of love, or whether I could even make the smallest contribution in someone’s life. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I felt subjected to my fears listed above. Too many fights with friends and him and family members. Too many tears. Too much running. Too much doubt. Too much searching in circles only to find myself where I’d initially begun. It was a hard time and I found myself deeply selfish and self-destructive.

Through intervention and support I began to set foot on the path to find and love me. The path to My Purpose. I am hugely grateful for the people who helped me along that path. Those that listened to me, gave me a tissue, their bed, their heart, a meal, a card, a picture, patience. Many people came to me along that path and positively impacted my life over these last 5 years. To say thank you to them would almost be insulting; they deserve more than that.

Over time, healing took place and allowed me to see the value of people in a way that I had never seen before. I also began to see the value in fearlessness, Ordered Steps and taking risks. It’s scary to step out of one’s comfort area, to change one’s conduct. We all know that destructive behavior is often the most addictive. It takes guts to stop bad habits when you’re not ready, but it’s necessary.

So this being said, today I acknowledge my gratitude and use my life to give thanks for the Village that surrounds me and allows me to be fearless. I consider myself a work in progress, but it feels like I’m on the right track. My faith allows me to believe that I will continue to be surrounded by Good and protected on my journey.

My plan is to take each person who came along my path at some point, as well as Mrs. Nin’s words as I journey on my process of becoming fearless.


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